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Cryogenic
10-04-2005, 11:05 PM
I resisted posting this work of mine for a long time, but screw it! I was going through my hard drive and realised it had been sitting there - doing nothing in particular.

The sad thing is that I thought this thing was pretty **** good when I wrote it; now, it comes across as mechanical and dull. I tried to keep to 8 syllables per line initially for structure and later because I realised it was Elvis' "number" (as we all probably know, he was born on January 8th and a believer of numerology). Here you go:



Yours - a life less ordinary
Music - quite extraordinary
Born a peasant yet died a king
And all because you dared to sing

It's in this house that you did cry
And chose to bid the world goodbye
The walls retain the how's and why's
The softest songs, the darkest skies

Inside the regal pearly doors
Just what are people looking for?
A chance to breathe the gilded air
Pretending that you are still there

Perhaps you are somehow still there
Relaxing in your jungle lair
Sat back in your comfy chair
Pretending no one else is there

You could be holed up in your room
Watching TV, humming a tune
You might be riding on your ranch
No longer in a morbid trance

Now you're standing in the garden
Seeking out your mama's pardon
But failing that, perhaps you're gone
When legends die, the world goes on

They walk through Graceland with a smile
Where you deferred to denial
They think they know the ugly truth
Where you departed from your youth

It looks so strange now, things have changed
But all the love remains the same
It built the walls that kept you caged
And fueled the fires of your rage

An American Trilogy
Filled with virtue and villainy
What remains is purely physical
Might there be something spiritual?

All your music just flew away
The moment people came to stay
It fled your doors but found the world
Much more than you, sir, ever could

Don't judge too harshly, we're just fans
We come from many different lands
If we have tried too hard to reach
Then your forgiveness we beseech

We don't do much but sometimes touch
In this sweet home that was your crutch
It's quite nice lookin' for a place
But something's missing: it's your face

Lonniebealestreet
10-04-2005, 11:11 PM
Hats off to you, Cryo, for a very impressive poem there! Thanks for keeping it real, and for sharing that with us.

:notworthy

0349054
10-05-2005, 04:22 AM
Great poem, well done!

Elvisgirl
10-05-2005, 09:50 AM
very beautiful poem! i almost started to cry

Memphisgurl
10-05-2005, 10:41 AM
WOW! i love ur poem its very beautiful! great job!!:D :D

Tommy
10-05-2005, 10:48 AM
Wonderful poem really enjoyed it. Good for you (y) :cool:

Write more if you like. :notworthy

Tommy :)

Memphisgurl
10-05-2005, 10:55 AM
i never got to meet you,
you died before i could
i love you like every fan of yours would.

jet black hair and swivelling hips
a magnetic smile and
tender lips

he was the best thats no lie
with every preformance he made girls cry.

blue suede shoes and suspicious minds
Elvis Presley was one of a kind

we all love you and miss hearing you sing, you will always
truely be the King!


i am working on another poem, can u guys give me some tips? like to make it better?

Menwithbrokenhearts
10-06-2005, 12:25 AM
Cryo, I think your being overcritical. Being a lover of poetry for years, I can confidently say that what you have written is an excellent piece of work. It's obvious that you put some time and thought into it and it shows how much you feel for the subject. So I say, Hats off to You! Great Job, Well Done!

Jungleroom76
10-06-2005, 09:23 AM
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL CRYOGENIC!!! :'(

I am so glad you chose to share that with us...the words obviously came from the heart, and it is simply a gorgeous piece of work!!! ;)

TCB!
Mike

Jungleroom76
10-06-2005, 09:26 AM
BEAUTIFUL POEM ADRIANNA!!! :)

What a talented group of people we have around here....I only wish I had a fraction of the creativity that you all have!!! :hmm:

TCB!
Mike

Tommy
10-06-2005, 10:01 AM
Adrianna Hello,

Very nice poem about Elvis! (y) :cool:

Great words!

Thanks,

Tommy :)

EP4MEUK
10-07-2005, 06:40 AM
THAT WAS A VERY POWERFUL POEM...WELL DONE :clap:

LOVE AND PEACE,
SUSAN http://www.geocities.com/enriqueschic2001/sparklestar.gif